Love letters

You've asked for space before and I don't know how to give it. I wasn't very good at it before. I realize that it was probably because I don't know what "giving space" to someone really means, and I also didn't look for another outlet to channel the energy normally channeled to you.

So that's where this blog and these posts as of late come in. I will be channeling my thought powers in written format, so that when you are healed, I will have recorded the history of my thoughts of you somewhere for you to read. I have tagged every post related to this time period as "Bananas" as an easy index. This is my labor of love, for you to know that you've been in my thoughts, and dreams, and the things that pass through my day that remind me of you are written here.

It is my hope that when you read these posts, you realize that I honestly thought about you probably the entire day in and out of it, and would have probably texted you or called you had we been under normal circumstances. Given the current circumstance, and your request that you just don't want to communicate, I dropped it. However, it is not my intention to alienate you or ignore you. I simply want to give you the proper healing space that you need. Like I said to you before, I only care that you are surrounded by people who love you and care for you, and I care that you get better quickly so you can have your life and children back. I do not want to stand in the way. Rather, my intentions are to make you stronger in ways that I can accomplish. And I thought visiting you and having a physical presence with you was going to achieve that, but alas, you have a slightly differing thought process, which I do disagree with (I am unfairly biased) again, whatever it takes honey.

Just get better.

Then read these and know that I've loved you all this time too, perhaps coming out of it with a strong sense of self to boot.

I'll take this time to build me up again. I've been focusing on us and you too much, and have lost sight of things that made me ME before. I pulled out my Pre to build a context of what ME was when we met, and I am pleased with how much we expressed to one another that we are talking no matter what is going on around us. I'm putting some plans in motion that I've been putting on hold for a while til things changed. Well I'll be the change. I'll make the change. It's time to reconsider.

Well I'm pooped. This is day 3 of fitful sleeping. I might be suffering sympathy pains!

I love you. So deeply. So real.

Me