I went through my FB account today to conjure up some baby pictures of Adam that I had hidden somewhere. When I look at these photos I am brought back to a time in my life where I was most certainly happy, but happy with the fewer things I had in my life. I didn't have many ambitions or false hopes that my life was going to get a lot better but I was okay with that. And his baby smiles and cheeks and fat helped pad what should have been a terrible existence into an infinitely better one.
Last night I had dinner with a great college roommate of mine. During dinner we shared stories and had us several serious conversations about the things that have happened to us in life. Some of the things that have happened to me in my life, or the things that I've made happen in my life, have been great, while others have been because there was no other way. And boy I like to remember some of the dark alleys I've been through because I remember what I used to chase after and I look at myself now and think of how differently things have turned out. And I'm thankful for the friends who have spoken their piece to me when I needed to hear it whether I liked it or not at the time these pieces of advice made the difference.
I am thankful for a lot this year. I'm thankful that I've completed my financial plan for 2009, I'm thankful to have friends who I've had the wonderful chance to reconnect with (thanks Facebook!) and thankful for my wonderful sister and mother, without whose love and compassion I would not be here. I'm thankful for a relatively peaceful year with my ex-spouse. I hope we continue to be amicable. Lastly I'm grateful and thankful for my beautiful baby boy. Without him I would still be traveling down those dark alleyways, which surely by now would have engulfed me in its shadows.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Enter to start sign, fail!
-- Sent from my Palm Pre
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Anthony Bourdain is signing MY book. Hell Yea!
Anthony Bourdain's going to be at the Wall Street Borders today signing copies of his new book Medium Raw, a Bloody Valentine to the world of food and people who cook.
OH yes and the only way to get him to sign a copy is to buy one of his books at Borders so that I did, and Kitchen Confidential too.
When I came into work this morning I was in a super funk and after coming out of Borders with two books in my hands, I'm out of my superfunk.
Hooray! Pics to come hopefully. There's already a line at Borders.
OH yes and the only way to get him to sign a copy is to buy one of his books at Borders so that I did, and Kitchen Confidential too.
When I came into work this morning I was in a super funk and after coming out of Borders with two books in my hands, I'm out of my superfunk.
Hooray! Pics to come hopefully. There's already a line at Borders.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
New York Cares Day - Gateway Park in Brooklyn
A couple of months ago me and my friend Ellen joined forces with the rest of the MRDC volunteer crew to clean up Gateway Park in brooklyn. It's been used as an illegal dumpsite for contractors and mechanics. hundreds of pounds of old tires, mattresses, ceiling tiles and other construction materials were removed as a result of our cleaning efforts!
The video below is a short ditty about the garbage and the landscape.
Youtube Video
It felt great to be socially responsible. I encourage all of you to get out there and volunteer. It's great for your soul!
The video below is a short ditty about the garbage and the landscape.
Youtube Video
It felt great to be socially responsible. I encourage all of you to get out there and volunteer. It's great for your soul!
Some Names you just don't put on a sign...
This image was taken in Hollywood, Florida. I don't care how many years and generations that your family's store has been open, at some point the ridicule of answering the phone using "Hello, Badcock" should get to you, no?
Lols @ Floridians.
Monday, May 31, 2010
My beautiful baby boy is back
...Say that 5 times fast!! What an unexpected and amazingly awesome way to end my beautiful trip to Miami. Adam flew home with me, and while i wasn't expecting this I am so glad to be primary for now. His dad and I have come to the conclusion that he needs me now for when he's little and growing up.
More updates soon.
More updates soon.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Off to Miami
Having looked forward to this day for four weeks, I must say, 'night before' came really quick. I now have a good perspective to say that the journey of waiting of a good thing may be just as good as doing the good thing. Anticipation raises seratonin levels and boy, since thursday morning, my seratonin levels have been off the charts!
Adams dad has been amenable to this trip, which I imagine could come as a relief for him since he's pretty much alone down there. I guess I could concede that he deserves time alone...oh I just threw up a little in my mouth...
Ok. Will post pictures!!
Adams dad has been amenable to this trip, which I imagine could come as a relief for him since he's pretty much alone down there. I guess I could concede that he deserves time alone...oh I just threw up a little in my mouth...
Ok. Will post pictures!!
-- Sent from my Palm Pre
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Skype - A week later, and Miami Trip!
I've used Skype in the past week over 10 times. I sit in front of the camera on my Mac and just stare at Adam's face. I am astounded that I haven't discovered this little itty bitty camera in my computer until now.
Love you, Skype!
Onto other news, I will be jetting to Miami to see Adam in 3 days! Superb!
I purposely have not made any concrete plans so I can let the time speak for itself as it always does when I'm with him. Some of the best times I've spent with Adam, and the most memorable, are the times when we are on an unscripted day, where we just let the wind take us where it may.
Love you, Adam!
Love you, Skype!
Onto other news, I will be jetting to Miami to see Adam in 3 days! Superb!
I purposely have not made any concrete plans so I can let the time speak for itself as it always does when I'm with him. Some of the best times I've spent with Adam, and the most memorable, are the times when we are on an unscripted day, where we just let the wind take us where it may.
Love you, Adam!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
My first experience with Skype
I was recently separated from Adam now that he is living with his dad down in Florida. For two whole months I struggled with not seeing his cute little face in the morning, his ways and means to get something he wants, and the daily talks we used to have about how his day was and the cute ways he would portray the stories that happened to him that day.
For two months I heard more goodbyes than any other word in the English dictionary from Adam on the phone, when there was always something more interesting to do than hold an electronic device to his ear. For kids it's all about "out of sight, out of mind" as far as I can tell, and to me this conversation medium always teetered on the edge of "this can't be enough".
A couple of days ago I was talking to a friend Mr. Dickens who also has a young son with a separation situation similar to my own. When I asked how he sees his son one word came out of his mouth, "Skype!" Every two weeks there's a scheduled "visit" where my friend reads a book that his child's momma holds up to the camera. For an hour every 2 weeks his son gets to interact on a more intimate level than a phone call.
I began to think this was a great idea, and I was right. Downloading skype to my Mac was superbly easy, the built in camera in my Powerbook hooked up right away, and after a brief technology-not-working-when-you-most-anticipate-it-to-work interlude, my son was on my screen waving and screaming "MOMMY ARE YOU ON INERNEDDD??"
Mine eyes did not deceive me. There he was. In his alligator pajamas, hair all a mess from sleeping, bright little eyes staring into the camera. The first words out of his mouth were "Mommyyy I MISS youuu!" For a blissful half hour past his bedtime, Adam went through show and tell about his toes, his mohawk, his new computer game, a picture he drew with glitter glue. He also left the camera twice, once when he announced "Mommy I need peepee" and the second when he whispered "uh oh Mommy I need go numa two." My eyes were hungry for his sweet cheeks after 2 months. My own cheeks were aching from smiling into the camera for half an hour.
So to end this monologue, I must thank Skype for offering this service, and a grateful single parent has been able to bridge the distance gap between her and her beautiful child.
For two months I heard more goodbyes than any other word in the English dictionary from Adam on the phone, when there was always something more interesting to do than hold an electronic device to his ear. For kids it's all about "out of sight, out of mind" as far as I can tell, and to me this conversation medium always teetered on the edge of "this can't be enough".
A couple of days ago I was talking to a friend Mr. Dickens who also has a young son with a separation situation similar to my own. When I asked how he sees his son one word came out of his mouth, "Skype!" Every two weeks there's a scheduled "visit" where my friend reads a book that his child's momma holds up to the camera. For an hour every 2 weeks his son gets to interact on a more intimate level than a phone call.
I began to think this was a great idea, and I was right. Downloading skype to my Mac was superbly easy, the built in camera in my Powerbook hooked up right away, and after a brief technology-not-working-when-you-most-anticipate-it-to-work interlude, my son was on my screen waving and screaming "MOMMY ARE YOU ON INERNEDDD??"
Mine eyes did not deceive me. There he was. In his alligator pajamas, hair all a mess from sleeping, bright little eyes staring into the camera. The first words out of his mouth were "Mommyyy I MISS youuu!" For a blissful half hour past his bedtime, Adam went through show and tell about his toes, his mohawk, his new computer game, a picture he drew with glitter glue. He also left the camera twice, once when he announced "Mommy I need peepee" and the second when he whispered "uh oh Mommy I need go numa two." My eyes were hungry for his sweet cheeks after 2 months. My own cheeks were aching from smiling into the camera for half an hour.
So to end this monologue, I must thank Skype for offering this service, and a grateful single parent has been able to bridge the distance gap between her and her beautiful child.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
An Omnivore's Personal Dilemma
I pose a question to you: Did you know that 99.99% of the beef sold in supermarkets is from cows that are fed its own FAT?
A couple of weeks ago I picked up a book called "Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan. I have a personal goal of broadening my knowledge through reading, and I heard that this book was highly recommended. I"m about a quarter of the way through the book, and the author has shed light on the cattle and corn industry and how they are infinitely intertwined. (hint: most cows are NOT as happy as the cow in the picture below *sad face*)
Here’s a nice little summary of what I’ve read so far:
Prior to world war 2, corn was a rotation crop on farmlands. Farmers would rotate corn, which takes nitrogen from the soil, with soy, which would return nitrogen to the soil. Eating habits across America were more vegetable heavy, and meat was a meal that people had once in a while, but not every day. The manure from cows and other farm animals was used as fertilizer and there was a closed loop of ecology in the farm.
After world war 2, there was an abundance of ammonium nitrate, which was used to make artillery for the war. When the war ended the secretary of state at the time came across a novel idea – use the ammonium nitrate to repopulate the soil with nitrogen. Farmers were subsidized for using this commercial fertilizer in place of rotating in soy or using manure. IN case there was an over harvest one year of corn, the secretary of state established a program to loan farmers money for their extra corn crop, so farmers would always have income, and the department of agriculture could sell the corn on the market when the supply became lower, in subsequent years.
However, because of the superbly effective commercial fertilizer, corn became produced at massive amounts, too great for people to consume at a normal rate (people don’t consume more because there is more available, we can only eat so much). Now the government became burdened with all this corn on their hands that the farmers were offloading to them, and they concocted another scheme – change farm animal’s diets to eat corn instead of grass. They incentivized farmers to breed cows that had higher corn-tolerance. But cows’ stomachs are not evolved for starch heavy diets and become highly acidic (normally their stomachs are pH neutral), so the government subsidized research to find antibiotics and diet supplements that lowered the acidity. Other things they found through research was that feeding a cow its own fat culled from boiling non-edible cow parts further hastened the fattening process.
The high fat, sugar and starch diet made cows grow faster than their natural rate, where farmers back before corn would slaughter a cow 4-5 years old, now these corn-fed cows are ready for slaughter at 14 months old. Slaughterhouses kill cows at a rate of 400 to 500 an hour, which if you imagine how big a cow is, is immensely fast. This process inevitably allows some non-edible material (poo, eyeballs, gut) to enter the edible material stream, and that is how diseases such as the mad cow disease and acid-resistant strains of e.coli have entered our human bodies as well.
A couple of weeks ago I picked up a book called "Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan. I have a personal goal of broadening my knowledge through reading, and I heard that this book was highly recommended. I"m about a quarter of the way through the book, and the author has shed light on the cattle and corn industry and how they are infinitely intertwined. (hint: most cows are NOT as happy as the cow in the picture below *sad face*)
Here’s a nice little summary of what I’ve read so far:
Prior to world war 2, corn was a rotation crop on farmlands. Farmers would rotate corn, which takes nitrogen from the soil, with soy, which would return nitrogen to the soil. Eating habits across America were more vegetable heavy, and meat was a meal that people had once in a while, but not every day. The manure from cows and other farm animals was used as fertilizer and there was a closed loop of ecology in the farm.
After world war 2, there was an abundance of ammonium nitrate, which was used to make artillery for the war. When the war ended the secretary of state at the time came across a novel idea – use the ammonium nitrate to repopulate the soil with nitrogen. Farmers were subsidized for using this commercial fertilizer in place of rotating in soy or using manure. IN case there was an over harvest one year of corn, the secretary of state established a program to loan farmers money for their extra corn crop, so farmers would always have income, and the department of agriculture could sell the corn on the market when the supply became lower, in subsequent years.
However, because of the superbly effective commercial fertilizer, corn became produced at massive amounts, too great for people to consume at a normal rate (people don’t consume more because there is more available, we can only eat so much). Now the government became burdened with all this corn on their hands that the farmers were offloading to them, and they concocted another scheme – change farm animal’s diets to eat corn instead of grass. They incentivized farmers to breed cows that had higher corn-tolerance. But cows’ stomachs are not evolved for starch heavy diets and become highly acidic (normally their stomachs are pH neutral), so the government subsidized research to find antibiotics and diet supplements that lowered the acidity. Other things they found through research was that feeding a cow its own fat culled from boiling non-edible cow parts further hastened the fattening process.
The high fat, sugar and starch diet made cows grow faster than their natural rate, where farmers back before corn would slaughter a cow 4-5 years old, now these corn-fed cows are ready for slaughter at 14 months old. Slaughterhouses kill cows at a rate of 400 to 500 an hour, which if you imagine how big a cow is, is immensely fast. This process inevitably allows some non-edible material (poo, eyeballs, gut) to enter the edible material stream, and that is how diseases such as the mad cow disease and acid-resistant strains of e.coli have entered our human bodies as well.
___________________________________
Having read up until this point, last night I still managed to forget my troubles and down a burger at a bar while hanging out with a good friend of mine (who was an omnivore as well). On the train ride home, I took out the book and began reading the next chapter on the actual slaughterhouse practices. I must have read about 5 pages before I began feeling a bit queasy. By the time I got home this queasiness had turned into a full blown nausea, leading me straight to the bathroom where I proceeded to (TMI ALERT!) vomit my dinner.
I slept soundly last night, and I think I heard mooing in my sleep. I'm seriously contemplating switching to eating veggies. Can this make me a happier person? As I begin to observe my body slowly rejecting meat, I wonder, can I consciously make the jump? What kind of difference can I, one person on this earth, make for those poor cows living in the feedlots eating corn flakes?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Hissy Pissy Fissy
I'm just being a great friend today. And yet I'm feeling like there are some people who get me, and most people who don't. Hence the title of this post - I'm getting a little annoyed and it's not good for my karma today. Just yesterday I was euphoric, at the zenith of this wave of financial goodness, and today i'm feeling quite blah.
All this said and done i have two conclusions i've drawn.
1) Some friends will try to make you feel tiny when they stand so tall
2) Some other friends will make you see the truth without words.
I'm going out to get some lunch and enjoy the tulips in the 9/11 memorial. see ya'll laters.
All this said and done i have two conclusions i've drawn.
1) Some friends will try to make you feel tiny when they stand so tall
2) Some other friends will make you see the truth without words.
I'm going out to get some lunch and enjoy the tulips in the 9/11 memorial. see ya'll laters.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Biggest Payoff!
Five years ago, in my early twenties, I decided to purchase a jetski. A brand spanking new Yamaha jetski three seater much like this one below:
I took out a massive loan, and then found myself paying back that loan with retarded interest rates and barely making a dent on the premium of the loan. So I said fuck it, screw the system, I won't pay it. Typical twenty something financial ostrich.
I finally came to an agreement not too long ago with the company that now owns this loan and have been paying this back as quickly as possible since 2010 started. And now, with the final check, I am free. I have written the largest check in my life, and boy does it feel good.
I no longer have the words "i am in debt" scribed to the sign hanging above my head.
I can plan a vacation without thinking there is someplace else my money should go.
And the best part is, now that I've learned how to set aside money every month to paying this loan off, I can similarly save that same amount and put it towards investments. Google stock, anyone?
One step closer...to my sunrise...:)
Monday, March 15, 2010
Will You Still Love Me...Tomorrow?
I sent Adam off to an extended vacation with his daddy yesterday.
I'll be patient and see how this goes.
My wish is Adam will not despair and knows that his Mommy loves him so very much while he is gone.
I give it one month tops until Adam returns to me.
I'll be patient and see how this goes.
My wish is Adam will not despair and knows that his Mommy loves him so very much while he is gone.
I give it one month tops until Adam returns to me.
Music that reminds me of...
This weekend my friend Rohin and I went through youtube and cobbled together a list of songs that remind us of high school and college. In no particular order, here's the list:
Renegade, Eminem
In Da Club, 50 cent
One Minute Man, Missy Elliot
I Just Wanna Love You, Jay Z
Renegade, Eminem
In Da Club, 50 cent
One Minute Man, Missy Elliot
I Just Wanna Love You, Jay Z
Friday, March 12, 2010
Nicotine Detox : Week 3
How did these weeks fly by? Every day felt like a milestone but now that I'm about to hit Week 4, I feel myself slipping back into relapse.
Rain hides these tiny tears
I can't get past the pain today.
Doing the right thing and doing what feels right are two totally separate playing fields.
Doing the right thing and doing what feels right are two totally separate playing fields.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Cindy's a free woman, what's her to do list?
As I write this, I am putting together a list of most of the things that I can accomplish without Adam by my side. Some of the things will require time and effort, some things are easy. Here goes.
1. Going to sleep whenever I want
2. Waking up whenever I want
3. Driving to work without making detours
4. Dressing only myself in the morning
5. Saving $756 on daycare every month
6. Put away $25K in savings
7. Eating a full meal without feeding someone else
8. watching a full tv show without interruption
9. Taking a shower without someone opening the door
10. Studying and taking the GRE or GMAT
11. Getting a masters (in what, i don't know yet)
Tuesday, 3/9
So reading this list the day after writing it is interesting. I am putting mostly day to day activities on here. And in here lies the rub. I should morph my outlook into a more long reaching one, and discontinue being very short sighted and impatient.
I had a heart to heart with my mom yesterday about how I felt about sending Adam to his dad's. I chose this route, and I should deal maturely with the consequences. I will have to eventually share Adam with his other parent, and while his daddy takes responsibility I can regain my life, as I wanted to do when I first chose to start this journey. And as a parent we love our children this is our life. But I should not let my parental selfishness bar Adam from enjoying time with his other parent. His daddy apparently makes him happy too and who am I to try and take that away from Adam?
Last night Adam slept without socks on. Throughout the night I would find his two feet wedged in my pillow, or between my knees, or under my arm. And here in lies my solace. No matter where he is, what he's doing, whether he's sleeping or awake, his toes will find their way back to me.
I can't hope that this is the right choice. I can only KNOW so, and wait and see what happens.
1. Going to sleep whenever I want
2. Waking up whenever I want
3. Driving to work without making detours
4. Dressing only myself in the morning
5. Saving $756 on daycare every month
6. Put away $25K in savings
7. Eating a full meal without feeding someone else
8. watching a full tv show without interruption
9. Taking a shower without someone opening the door
10. Studying and taking the GRE or GMAT
11. Getting a masters (in what, i don't know yet)
Tuesday, 3/9
So reading this list the day after writing it is interesting. I am putting mostly day to day activities on here. And in here lies the rub. I should morph my outlook into a more long reaching one, and discontinue being very short sighted and impatient.
I had a heart to heart with my mom yesterday about how I felt about sending Adam to his dad's. I chose this route, and I should deal maturely with the consequences. I will have to eventually share Adam with his other parent, and while his daddy takes responsibility I can regain my life, as I wanted to do when I first chose to start this journey. And as a parent we love our children this is our life. But I should not let my parental selfishness bar Adam from enjoying time with his other parent. His daddy apparently makes him happy too and who am I to try and take that away from Adam?
Last night Adam slept without socks on. Throughout the night I would find his two feet wedged in my pillow, or between my knees, or under my arm. And here in lies my solace. No matter where he is, what he's doing, whether he's sleeping or awake, his toes will find their way back to me.
I can't hope that this is the right choice. I can only KNOW so, and wait and see what happens.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Nicotine Detox Day 6.5: Undiagnosed Turret's
Hmm. This nicotine gum says I’m supposed to “chew and park”. In actuality I am gnawing and then double parking and blocking traffic.
Good Symptoms logged as a result of detoxification:
Bad Symptoms as a result of detoxification
Gum count: 30 pieces in 6 days. 5 pieces a day. exactly how many cigs I used to have per day.
I think it's time to transfer 20 dollars into my "vacation" money jar!!!
Good Symptoms logged as a result of detoxification:
- Hair smells delicious (Thank you MoroccanOil)
- Ran twice for the train without huffing
- Facial skin feels more supple
- Digestive tract responding well to lack of nicotine stimulant
- Coughing up scum less and less with each day
Bad Symptoms as a result of detoxification
- My humor is off (see above, first sentence of this post)
- I couldn’t sleep last night
- Eyes are fuzzy
- Cursing and outraged uncontrollably at times. Apparently I must have undiagnosed Turret’s that was controlled by nicotine.
Gum count: 30 pieces in 6 days. 5 pieces a day. exactly how many cigs I used to have per day.
I think it's time to transfer 20 dollars into my "vacation" money jar!!!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Nicotine Detox - Day 5 so far
Last cigarette - Thursday 2/18 @ 12:30 pm outside William's Restaurant on William and Pine.
I hated the smell of smoking and how it made me cough in the morning, so I quit.
I started smoking because at the time when I met my ex husband he was a heavy smoker and I had just started. The two of us together went through a pack every day, I was 5 and he was 15.
The reason I broke with the ex was cuz he was a bum and would drain money from me. Cigarettes do the same exact thing, when a pack costs $11 in NYC. At least the ex wasn't trying to kill me like cigarettes do.
Day 1-2 was a novelty. I touted to everyone who would listen that i was quitting smoking. it's so much cooler to tell people "i'm quitting" rather than "oh i started" and i got plenty of encouragement.
Day 3-4 happened to be the weekend. Every past weekend I was most occupied with figuring out ways to get out of the house so I could have that one cigarette. I would even go outside momma's house and recklessly have a few quick hard drags because I told myself "I would be a better person" the rest of the day because of it.
This weekend I realized how bad of a person I was every past weekend. Also didn't realize about 50% of my weekend was wrapped around spending time outside so I could smoke. It was a relief to wash all my winter jackets that used to smell like smoke and now smell like April Fresh Gain detergent. and feathers. cuz that's what happens to North Face jackets after a stint in the dryer.
Today is Day 5 and 6 since I quit mid day on Day 1. I want to chew my arm off. I have had 4 pieces of gum today, unwrapping the fifth as we speak. I wonder how many pieces of gum equate to the amount of nicotine in one American Spirit cigarette. Each gum has 2mg of Nicotine equivalent.
push push push
I hated the smell of smoking and how it made me cough in the morning, so I quit.
I started smoking because at the time when I met my ex husband he was a heavy smoker and I had just started. The two of us together went through a pack every day, I was 5 and he was 15.
The reason I broke with the ex was cuz he was a bum and would drain money from me. Cigarettes do the same exact thing, when a pack costs $11 in NYC. At least the ex wasn't trying to kill me like cigarettes do.
Day 1-2 was a novelty. I touted to everyone who would listen that i was quitting smoking. it's so much cooler to tell people "i'm quitting" rather than "oh i started" and i got plenty of encouragement.
Day 3-4 happened to be the weekend. Every past weekend I was most occupied with figuring out ways to get out of the house so I could have that one cigarette. I would even go outside momma's house and recklessly have a few quick hard drags because I told myself "I would be a better person" the rest of the day because of it.
This weekend I realized how bad of a person I was every past weekend. Also didn't realize about 50% of my weekend was wrapped around spending time outside so I could smoke. It was a relief to wash all my winter jackets that used to smell like smoke and now smell like April Fresh Gain detergent. and feathers. cuz that's what happens to North Face jackets after a stint in the dryer.
Today is Day 5 and 6 since I quit mid day on Day 1. I want to chew my arm off. I have had 4 pieces of gum today, unwrapping the fifth as we speak. I wonder how many pieces of gum equate to the amount of nicotine in one American Spirit cigarette. Each gum has 2mg of Nicotine equivalent.
push push push
Monday, February 22, 2010
...And they lived happily....
Follow up to my post on the gentleman who loved someone else.
And just when I felt like I had closed that door that was open, the gentleman shows up with a book that I had lent to him with the intent of returning it. Eyes were puffy, nose was red, smile lines had faded. Let's take a walk, I said as I motioned to the revolving door of which I felt my emotions were spinning through.
Two hours of discussion later, I was perplexed where my emotions lay. Did I want to go down this road? My mind was fiercely intolerant to being taken for a lover's fool. My heart though was deeply rooted in the belief that this man was true, honest, and that his words were pouring from the heart pinned to his immaculate sleeve cuffs.
To him I said there are two types of closure, one type is when you seek it because of her, and the other one is because you're aware that there is better love out there. I won't be your rebound girl during the time when you are undecided. But my feelings for you haven't changed.
Days later I let him in again. With renewed zeal and effort he enters with open arms. But I will be careful to evaluate his choice for the sake of both our beating hearts.
And just when I felt like I had closed that door that was open, the gentleman shows up with a book that I had lent to him with the intent of returning it. Eyes were puffy, nose was red, smile lines had faded. Let's take a walk, I said as I motioned to the revolving door of which I felt my emotions were spinning through.
Two hours of discussion later, I was perplexed where my emotions lay. Did I want to go down this road? My mind was fiercely intolerant to being taken for a lover's fool. My heart though was deeply rooted in the belief that this man was true, honest, and that his words were pouring from the heart pinned to his immaculate sleeve cuffs.
To him I said there are two types of closure, one type is when you seek it because of her, and the other one is because you're aware that there is better love out there. I won't be your rebound girl during the time when you are undecided. But my feelings for you haven't changed.
Days later I let him in again. With renewed zeal and effort he enters with open arms. But I will be careful to evaluate his choice for the sake of both our beating hearts.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Trail of Fire
When I leave this earth
There shall be a cloud of smoke
Behind me
If I go to hell
for the sins I've committed
Well
That wouldn't change the place where I'm buried
Dedicated to Ms. Post
There shall be a cloud of smoke
Behind me
If I go to hell
for the sins I've committed
Well
That wouldn't change the place where I'm buried
Dedicated to Ms. Post
Once Upon A Time I Knew A Gentleman...
Once upon a time I was dating someone who was a true gentleman. He would hold my hand down the stairs, he would blow me kisses from the cab after dropping me off at the train station, he would answer my calls. Midwest breeding. Tall. Strong hands. Excellent kisser.
This gentleman was great with my son. Though I am slightly overprotective of him, Adam needs some male influence in his life and also needs someone to throw all 45 pounds of him around at the playground. This gentleman was strong enough to carry him and handle him with care and curiousity.
Once upon a time I bought him a card that said "I thought I knew Happy and then I found you...Cupid is definitely going to get a gift basket this year! Happy Valentine's Day, Baby". Corporate cute, definitely suitable for the industries that we both worked in.
And then shortly before Valentine's Day, this gentleman called me and said he was still in love with a girl from his past. I must follow my heart and run with this, he said to me, through what sounded like a sincere knot in his throat.
Once upon a time I knew a gentleman.
_____________________
I returned the card to Hallmark this morning, 2 days before Valentine's day and for the reason on the receipt I put "break up" and the register lady asked me if I would like her to call this jackass. I said no, he was a good one anyway.
This gentleman was great with my son. Though I am slightly overprotective of him, Adam needs some male influence in his life and also needs someone to throw all 45 pounds of him around at the playground. This gentleman was strong enough to carry him and handle him with care and curiousity.
Once upon a time I bought him a card that said "I thought I knew Happy and then I found you...Cupid is definitely going to get a gift basket this year! Happy Valentine's Day, Baby". Corporate cute, definitely suitable for the industries that we both worked in.
And then shortly before Valentine's Day, this gentleman called me and said he was still in love with a girl from his past. I must follow my heart and run with this, he said to me, through what sounded like a sincere knot in his throat.
Once upon a time I knew a gentleman.
_____________________
I returned the card to Hallmark this morning, 2 days before Valentine's day and for the reason on the receipt I put "break up" and the register lady asked me if I would like her to call this jackass. I said no, he was a good one anyway.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Recipe: Porcini Short Ribs and Basil Infused Mashed Potatoes
Porcini Short Ribs
4 bone in beef short ribs about 2-3 in thick
1 Carrot Chopped in ½ in pieces
1 Bag Porcini Mushrooms, rehydrated and chopped
1 can beef broth / stock
Olive oil
1 cups boiling water
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1 small yellow onion, diced
1 long box of white mushrooms, sliced
1 beet, sliced
Salt
Pepper
1) Boil water and add to mushrooms to rehydrate, reserve liquid
2) Salt and Pepper the short ribs liberally
3) In a large dutch oven or soup pot, add some olive oil and brown the ribs on all sides (about 3-5 min per side)
4) Add the garlic and onions, cook til translucent, add some salt and pepper
5) Add the carrots, beets and mushrooms and let cook for 3-4 minutes, add some salt and pepper
6) Add the beef broth and mushroom water and bring to a boil
7) Let boil for 3 minutes then bring back to a simmer and season to taste.
8) Add the ribs back in and simmer on low for about an hour or so. You might need to add some more broth if the sauce gets too thick
9) Once done, remove the ribs again, try and spoon off some of the rendered oil and bring the sauce to a boil and let reduce til a nice consistency.
10) Mix some potato starch and hot water together in a bowl, drizzle into the sauce to make it thick. Bring back up to a simmer.
11) At this point the bones should be falling off the short ribs. Remove all the bones and tear apart the short rib meat until they're bite sized.
11) Add the rib meat back in and serve.
Basil Infused Mashed Potatoes
8 medium sized Red potatoes
2 tbsp butter
Handful of fresh basil leaves, slivered
1/2 cup milk
Salt
Pepper
1) Peel potatoes, cut into cubes, boil for 20 minutes
2) In separate pot, melt butter and throw in basil leaves and let it bubble for about a minute. Don't overcook!
3) Drain potatoes and in the same pot, drizzle the melted basil butter onto boiled potatoes. Add salt and pepper. Add milk.
4) Mash away.
To Serve:
Put a huge dollop of Mash in a plate, ladle on the Porcini Short Ribs, and dig in.
4 bone in beef short ribs about 2-3 in thick
1 Carrot Chopped in ½ in pieces
1 Bag Porcini Mushrooms, rehydrated and chopped
1 can beef broth / stock
Olive oil
1 cups boiling water
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1 small yellow onion, diced
1 long box of white mushrooms, sliced
1 beet, sliced
Salt
Pepper
1) Boil water and add to mushrooms to rehydrate, reserve liquid
2) Salt and Pepper the short ribs liberally
3) In a large dutch oven or soup pot, add some olive oil and brown the ribs on all sides (about 3-5 min per side)
4) Add the garlic and onions, cook til translucent, add some salt and pepper
5) Add the carrots, beets and mushrooms and let cook for 3-4 minutes, add some salt and pepper
6) Add the beef broth and mushroom water and bring to a boil
7) Let boil for 3 minutes then bring back to a simmer and season to taste.
8) Add the ribs back in and simmer on low for about an hour or so. You might need to add some more broth if the sauce gets too thick
9) Once done, remove the ribs again, try and spoon off some of the rendered oil and bring the sauce to a boil and let reduce til a nice consistency.
10) Mix some potato starch and hot water together in a bowl, drizzle into the sauce to make it thick. Bring back up to a simmer.
11) At this point the bones should be falling off the short ribs. Remove all the bones and tear apart the short rib meat until they're bite sized.
11) Add the rib meat back in and serve.
Basil Infused Mashed Potatoes
8 medium sized Red potatoes
2 tbsp butter
Handful of fresh basil leaves, slivered
1/2 cup milk
Salt
Pepper
1) Peel potatoes, cut into cubes, boil for 20 minutes
2) In separate pot, melt butter and throw in basil leaves and let it bubble for about a minute. Don't overcook!
3) Drain potatoes and in the same pot, drizzle the melted basil butter onto boiled potatoes. Add salt and pepper. Add milk.
4) Mash away.
To Serve:
Put a huge dollop of Mash in a plate, ladle on the Porcini Short Ribs, and dig in.
The "I-can't-relax-must-do-something" disease, coming to a Mommy near you.
Apparently this disease plagues the best-of-intentions Mommy, who wants to do everything and anything to spare some time for herself. We set out to relax, and instead get a full day's worth of running around.
As an example, here was my Saturday. My intention was to have a full day with Adam, as I've been running around for the past two months with last minute birthday party invitations, brunches, shopping, holiday schtuff, etc. etc.
Instead of playing some games with Adam, I...
1) trekked with him to the Verizon store to exchange my set top box in the snow!(so that he could watch Spongebob on demand)
2) Went to Dunkin Donuts (to avert impending disaster after I declined his invitation to go to Chuck E Cheese)
3) Went grocery shopping (to feed his hungry soul and tummy)
4) Cooked said groceries into a delicious Porcini Spare Rib Stew and Basil infused Mashed Potatoes (to feed my hungry tummy and soul too)
5) Spent an hour hooking up the Verizon box (of course, things don't activate as planned)
6) Sat down to watch Spongebob for 1 hour before it was bedtime.
Here's what I should have been doing all Saturday:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) Relaxing.
Inspiration for this post came from Raine, another "must do everything" mommy. Read her blog at http://trueconfessionsofasinglemother.blogspot.com/2010/02/what-now.html
As an example, here was my Saturday. My intention was to have a full day with Adam, as I've been running around for the past two months with last minute birthday party invitations, brunches, shopping, holiday schtuff, etc. etc.
Instead of playing some games with Adam, I...
1) trekked with him to the Verizon store to exchange my set top box in the snow!(so that he could watch Spongebob on demand)
2) Went to Dunkin Donuts (to avert impending disaster after I declined his invitation to go to Chuck E Cheese)
3) Went grocery shopping (to feed his hungry soul and tummy)
4) Cooked said groceries into a delicious Porcini Spare Rib Stew and Basil infused Mashed Potatoes (to feed my hungry tummy and soul too)
5) Spent an hour hooking up the Verizon box (of course, things don't activate as planned)
6) Sat down to watch Spongebob for 1 hour before it was bedtime.
Here's what I should have been doing all Saturday:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) Relaxing.
Inspiration for this post came from Raine, another "must do everything" mommy. Read her blog at http://trueconfessionsofasinglemother.blogspot.com/2010/02/what-now.html
WIRED Throwing Biometric Super Bowl Party
WIRED Throwing Biometric Super Bowl Party
Awesome post from Roger Dooley of the Neuroscience Marketing Blog on Wired's attempt at understanding your biometric response to each Superbowl Ad.
I didn't need a scan to know that the KGB commercial got my heart rate up. Even Momma Dukes sitting next to me was laughing by the end of that Sumo commercial! What is KGB anyway?
Watch the commercial here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4T2LH1yEbAQ
Awesome post from Roger Dooley of the Neuroscience Marketing Blog on Wired's attempt at understanding your biometric response to each Superbowl Ad.
I didn't need a scan to know that the KGB commercial got my heart rate up. Even Momma Dukes sitting next to me was laughing by the end of that Sumo commercial! What is KGB anyway?
Watch the commercial here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4T2LH1yEbAQ
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Social Media Technographics
After tons of user interviews, self-reports, panels, and analytics, Forrester has segmented its Social Media Webosphere into 6 main categories.
Creators – You represent the pinnacle of the social media experience. You are on online consumer who regularly publish blogs or articles online, maintains a web page, uploads video, and engages in microblogging (Twitter and such). You and your peers are the most active participants and posters of content on the web.
Critics – You typically react to content posted online that you did not create. You post comments on blogs and forums, post ratings and reviews, or edit wikis. One in four American adults is an online critic.
Collectors – You are an elite content consumer of social media sites. You may not actively participate in forums, but will monitor and follow conversations throughout a variety of sites using tools that aggregate them for you. You thrive on information and use such tools as RSS to aggregate important content, tag pages or photos for organization and ease of finding, use social bookmarking such as Del.ic.io.us, and participate in low intensity social activities, such as voting on Digg or Reddit.
Joiners – You primarily participate in or maintain a profile on a social networking site. You may just join to see other profiles, but rarely, if ever, participate. Most of your activity on social network sites is prompted by your peers after long periods of inactivity.
Spectators – This group consumes what the other produce. This includes blogs, online videos, podcasts, forums, and reviews. Almost half of online Americans comprise this group.
Inactives – These are non-participants. As of 2007, 41% of Americans are non-participants.
Which group best describes YOU?
Creators – You represent the pinnacle of the social media experience. You are on online consumer who regularly publish blogs or articles online, maintains a web page, uploads video, and engages in microblogging (Twitter and such). You and your peers are the most active participants and posters of content on the web.
Critics – You typically react to content posted online that you did not create. You post comments on blogs and forums, post ratings and reviews, or edit wikis. One in four American adults is an online critic.
Collectors – You are an elite content consumer of social media sites. You may not actively participate in forums, but will monitor and follow conversations throughout a variety of sites using tools that aggregate them for you. You thrive on information and use such tools as RSS to aggregate important content, tag pages or photos for organization and ease of finding, use social bookmarking such as Del.ic.io.us, and participate in low intensity social activities, such as voting on Digg or Reddit.
Joiners – You primarily participate in or maintain a profile on a social networking site. You may just join to see other profiles, but rarely, if ever, participate. Most of your activity on social network sites is prompted by your peers after long periods of inactivity.
Spectators – This group consumes what the other produce. This includes blogs, online videos, podcasts, forums, and reviews. Almost half of online Americans comprise this group.
Inactives – These are non-participants. As of 2007, 41% of Americans are non-participants.
Which group best describes YOU?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Hereditary High Cholesterol - My Cheat Sheet
I started this cheat sheet after realizing how little I knew about LDL and its cause and effect on the body, and what types of natural methods a person could use to combat a hereditary condition.
3 types of drugs with goal to decrease LDL (bad cholesterol)
Statins
This drug works in the liver to prevent the formation of cholesterol. Side effects usually are mild and go away as your body adjusts.
Statins available include:
Lipitor/Atorvastatin
Lescol/Fluvastatin
Mevacor/Lovastatin
Pravachol/Pravastatin
Crestor/Rosuvastatin
Zocor/Simvastatin
Selective Cholesterol Absorption Inhibitors
New class of medication works by preventing the absorption of cholesterol from the intestines.
Available medication: first of its class, ezetimibe: Zetia, was approved by FDA in 2002 for “treatment of high cholesterol an dcertain inherited lipid abnormalities”
Resins (Bile Acid Sequestrant or Acid-Binding drug)
This medicine works in the intestines by promoting increased disposal of cholesterol. Your body uses cholesterol to make bile. This medicine binds to bile so it can’t be used in digestion. Your liver responds by making more bile. The more bile it makes the more cholesterol it uses. This means there is less cholesterol circulating through your bloodstream.
Resins currently available:
Questran, Prevalite, Locholest
Cholestyramine
Colestid
Colestipol
WelChol
Colesevlam HCL
Natural Foods that will help lower your cholesterol:
I read that these five are recommended by the American Heart Association to lower your LDL
1. Eat two delicious servings of fish per week. The best are the ones that have high Omega-3 content, such as mackerel, sardines, salmon, trout, herring. Baked and Grilled are the best! The greek know how to make a mean baked and grilled fish, so look for greek restaurants near you and try them out!
2. They say that skim milk and skim products are the best for you. Except for the occasional mozzarella bomb here and there, which are necessary evils to combat hunger and cravings, try to stick to non-fat or low-fat dairy products.
3. Try to avoid foods that say they are made from “Partially Hydrogenated Vegetable Oil”
a. This list is a “safe bet” list of types of foods that usually do not contain the PHVO.
i. All fruits and vegetables
ii. Dairy products (milk, cheese, ice cream, yogurt)
iii. Meat, poultry, fish
iv. Sugar, flour
v. Spices, condiments, pickles, salad dressings and mayonnaise
vi. Jams and jellies
vii. Beans, grains, nuts and seeds
viii. Plain popcorn (not microwave)
ix. Pretzels, rice crackers
x. Candies and chocolate (except cocoa mixes)
xi. Cooking oils
xii. Most soups and instant soups (except noodle soup cups)
xiii. Coffee, tea, soft drinks, juices
xiv. Frozen fruits & vegetables
xv. Canned fruits & vegetables
4. Eggs are great for you! But try to go for a 2:1 ratio of whites:yolks when you do have them.
5. Oatmeal, Fiber, and Whole Wheat are easy and natural LDL-lowering foods. Mmm, love me some sautéed broccoli with garlic at night, or a big bad bowl of blueberry oatmeal in the morning.
6. The American Heart Association has made it easy to spot “heart healthy foods”. I got this from their website:
“The American Heart Association established its -->Food Certification Program --> to provide consumers a quick, easy way to identify heart-healthy foods that can be part of a healthful eating plan. Products certified by the American Heart Association contain the heart-check mark and state that the product "Meets American Heart Association criteria for saturated fat and cholesterol for healthy people over age 2." While shopping, look for foods with the heart-check mark symbol on their label. These foods are approved to be part of a healthy diet. “
dedicated to JSS
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Trajectories of Thought this week
Tiesto
Mozart
Excel processing
My ex left for florida yesterday, want to make sure Adam has everything he needs for this transition.
I apologized to my mom for being a jerk to her this past week
I had beef noodle soup yesterday that was yummy
I have gained at least 5 pounds over the holidays
My feet hurt from these new shoes I bought
New shoes
New jeans
Neuromarketing as my masters
Meeting up with some friends this weekend for a birthday party
Getting back in touch with some of my friends.
I haven’t gotten my paycheck from last week. Down to my last 300
I need a credit card.
Mozart
Excel processing
My ex left for florida yesterday, want to make sure Adam has everything he needs for this transition.
I apologized to my mom for being a jerk to her this past week
I had beef noodle soup yesterday that was yummy
I have gained at least 5 pounds over the holidays
My feet hurt from these new shoes I bought
New shoes
New jeans
Neuromarketing as my masters
Meeting up with some friends this weekend for a birthday party
Getting back in touch with some of my friends.
I haven’t gotten my paycheck from last week. Down to my last 300
I need a credit card.
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